I can't beleive it's been a year since I last posted anything. While hanging out with one of my best friends today, we got on the subject of blogging, and it reminded me of how much I used to love doing it. Maybe it's just a verbal diary, or a way for you to get your thoughts out... "Doogie Houser" style.
So much has happened, life has brought me so many ups and downs. This blog initially started as a way to keep everyone up to date when I moved to Maine, about the day and life of the New Mainer's. Now I find that maybe it's just a way to organize my thoughts, and help me work through things.
I have realized in the past year, that two things don't mix well together. A highly stressful job and being a good parent. I am right now out on leave due to surgery, and well being out and recovering, not suffering as much stress as I usually am under. Last night the four of us were watching a program together on T.V. and I laughed, so hard, and Justin my oldest looks at me and says "Mommy you have not laughed in a long time, it's so good to see you laugh". I enjoyed that moment with him, but I later cried. He is 8. We as parents really have no idea how intuative our children are as to what we are going through. Maybe they don't articulate it to us, that they are worried, but they know when things are wrong with you. I was so saddened that I let the my job, stop me from being the fun mom I normally am. I won't do that anymore. What I wanted more than anything growing up, was to be a mom. When people asked me what do you want when you graduate from high school? I said I want to get married and have kids. While as usual in life things don't work out when you want them to, and I did not have my first child until my late twenties, I promised myself I would never not appreciate my children. Yet I found myself in the past six months, do that, I did not appreciate them the way they deserved to be. I am proud to be a mom, and I had always prided myself at being good at it. I have to remind myself that no matter what happens in life, when I walk through that door, I am mom. Nothing else matters, more than those two little boys. So here is to my journey to becoming the funny, zany, embarrassing, silly, mom I used to be, and finding those simple joys with my boys again. Remember to always laugh, life is just too short, and laughter truly is the best remedy. I am so thankful to have two children who articulate how they are feeling, and point things out to me. So this blog is for you Justin and Lucas, be careful what you wish for, because silly mom is back, and laughter is going to be our priority again. And GOD BLESS the man I married, I have put so much on him, and promise to never do that again. I love him so much, and he is amazing. We learn so much from each other, and today, he showed me, myself again, and pointed out the woman he married. I think I lost her for a while. His love for me is never failing, and always unconditional, and for that, I will always be grateful for.